Mean cuisine

I'm impressed. Since I switched to using a slow cooker and electric steamer (from an electric fan oven and hob), my domestic electricity consumption has halved.

That's without deploying any other energy-saving measures, since I already turn off lights in rooms which aren't being used, chargers once finished charging, and nothing is ever left on standby.

Researching further, the difference in energy consumption between the various types of appliances is quite scary:

0.79 kW/hour for a typical oven, compared with 0.15 kW/hour for the slow cooker.

1.2kW/hour for a halogen hob, compared with 0.9 kW/hour for the steamer (the steamer also cooks faster).

At a cost of £11.97 for the slow cooker (Asda), and £14.65 for the steamer (Tesco), my recent acquisitions have paid for themselves within a month. Plus I've had some very tasty stews, soups and vegetables.

Wood cutting

Spring is the time to get out there cutting, splitting and storing firewood, so that this:














Can be transformed next winter into this:

As a newbie to 'wood power' I've learned the hard way about which types of wood are worth bothering with and which are not, with much fiddling around trying to light wet petrol station logs on bitterly cold winter nights.

However, I've recently been given a chainsaw and can now cut my own firewood. In theory - fekkin' dangerous things, chainsaws. Agricultural colleges sometimes offer training sessions for the occasional / domestic chainsaw user. If not, the two-day NPTC 'CS30' Chainsaw Maintenance and Cross-cutting course covers everything and more.

Armed with a chainsaw (and the appropriate training and equipment), I'd go out and cut, in order of preference:

1. Birch
This burns well green or seasoned, and gives off a lovely smell. Since birch burns fast and hot, it is useful for mixing with slower burning woods such as beech or oak, especially if these aren't fully seasoned. (Or crap petrol station logs.)

2. Ash
The King of firewood. Burns well green or seasoned, although it lacks the aroma of birch I love so much. There's also lots of it about - much of the devastation caused by the great storm in 1987 has since been filled by ash seedlings grown up in their natural environment.

3. Beech / oak
Burns slowly with an intense heat. These woods need to be well seasoned, ie. cut, split and dry stored for at least a year before using - two years if cut in spring / summer. Save any chips from the splitting to flavour the BBQ.

4. Fruit woods
Cherry, apple, plum, pear. These smell wonderful but need to be well seasoned, else they'll smoke the house out. (I know.)

5. Sycamore / elm
These need to be well seasoned, particularly elm which has a high water content, however they burn slowly with a steady heat. These are common garden trees which require thinning, or felling if the elm has succumbed to disease. If ever I see a tree surgeon working on one, I make a point of asking if I can have whatever wood they've sawn.

6. Everything else
Virtually any wood will burn if well seasoned, or on top of a good bed of hot embers. A few lumps of smokeless coal or charcoal can help things along. I use candle drippings, or the unburned wax residue in tea lights to get the fire going if need be, rather than buy firelighters.

999. Coniferous woods
Larch, pine, spruce. Last and least. The red net bags typically found in petrol stations, at least in the South East. Avoid these like the plague unless your woodburner is just for decoration. Often wet, they're difficult to light, and don't produce much except an oily smoke that will clog up the chimney. They also spit like fury, and therefore shouldn't be used in an open fireplace without a fireguard.

Dogshit Park

So what do you do with a fungi find from a location that's used as a doggy toilet, or else otherwise contaminated? Or if you find an example of a prized species that's well past its best?

You could simply leave the fungi to decay in their natural habitat, however I pick them anyway and seed them in more desirable locations - not least because next season, I'll know where to look.

Picking doesn't harm the fungi since what's on the surface is only the fruit: the main body of the plant - the cobwebby mycelium - being underground.

Here's an Agaricus bitorquis I found today in Epsom town centre's notorious 'Dogshit Park':

Agaricus bitorquis is good to eat - it's the wild parent of the cultivated Portabello mushroom.




However this particular example was riddled with worms and not something I'd consider eating, quite apart from where I found it. I've chopped it up and scattered it around the garden, hoping for rain.

Hyacinths for the soul

Out on the North Downs Way, I stumbled across a bluebell wood. Bluebells aren't to be eaten, since all parts of the plant are poisonous, but they reminded me of the famous poem:

If of thy mortal goods thou art bereft,
And from thy slender store two loaves alone to thee are left,
Sell one, and with the dole
Buy hyacinths to feed thy soul.

I'm surprised at how little-used the North Downs Way is. Once past the car parks and lookout point at Box Hill, I've walked for hours and not seen another (human) soul.

Pizza

Truly poverty-spec food, this. Personally I resent paying £5+ for supermarket pizza - albeit hand-crafted by virgins over ley lines - when I can make better myself for a quarter of the cost.

The dough (based on Jamie Oliver's recipe)

Ingredients (makes 3 pizza bases for two):

500g strong white bread flour or Tipo ‘00’ flour
1/2 level tablespoon fine sea salt
1 x 7g sachet of dried yeast
1/2 tablespoon golden caster sugar
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
325ml lukewarm water

Method:

Sieve the flour and salt on to a clean work surface and make a well in the middle. In a jug, mix the yeast, sugar and olive oil into the water and leave for a few minutes, then pour into the well. Using a fork, bring the flour in gradually from the sides and swirl it into the liquid. Keep mixing, drawing larger amounts of flour in, and when it all starts to come together, work the rest of the flour in with your clean, flour-dusted hands. Knead until you have a smooth, springy dough, adding a dusting more of flour if the dough is too sticky.

Place the ball of dough in a lightly oiled bowl, cover the bowl with a damp cloth and place in a warm room for about an hour until the dough has doubled in size. Then, remove the dough to a flour-dusted surface and knead it around a bit to push the air out with your hands – this is called knocking back the dough. You can either use it immediately, or keep it, wrapped in clingfilm, in the fridge (or freezer) until required.

If using straight away, roll out the dough with a flour-dusted rolling pin. Then, add toppings: some of my favourites are mushrooms, goat's cheese, salami and red onions. Top this off with grated mozzarella and parmesan, and sling the whole thing into a hot oven for 10 minutes. Eat. Enjoy.

Dryad's saddle

An unexpected fungi find while out hunting for kindling wood - it's the size of a tractor seat.


I've picked the smaller, younger one at the top. Fried in butter with a sauce of garlic, sour cream and dill, that did nicely for tonight's supper.

Beech leaves

These can be used as salad leaves when very young and tender, though I think they're rather bitter to eat on their own. I'd use them to bulk up a rocket salad, or liven up otherwise dull greens.

I've picked a load to make into noyau - an old French liqueur recipe from Roger Phillips' book Wild Food:

Beech Leaf Noyau

Ingredients:

Young beech leaves
1 bottle gin
225g white sugar
1 glass brandy

Method:

Collect young beech leaves and strip them off their twigs. Half-fill a 2-litre preserving jar with the leaves and pour on the gin. Seal the container and steep the leaves for 3 weeks, before straining them off. Boil the sugar in 300ml of water and add this to the gin with a large glass of brandy. Bottle.

I haven't tried this before, but have been itching to give it a go from the moment I first heard about it. Although I do hope it tastes better than it sounds, else I've wasted a bottle of gin. (Which would be criminal.)